Tuesday, January 14, 2014

24 Reasons I got Married at 23

I tend to keep silent when it comes to online discussions, since they often become heated and accomplish little good. However, I keep coming across these blogged lists about things to do before getting engaged or married in your early 20s. I get where they’re coming from, and they make some really good points. I especially appreciate this one. As a woman in her early twenties who very recently got married, I thought it appropriate to post a response. The main two blogs I have seen have been the one I posted above, “24 Things to do Instead of Getting Married Before You’re 24,” and “23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Married at 23.” The latter is a good deal more bitter and elitist sounding than I am comfortable with, and I want to emphasize in no way am I telling anyone how to live their life. Lives are a mess of intricate details and experience, so complicated that no outsider can judge. In fact, the intricacies of life demand a little empathy for your fellow man. If you’re married, single, traveling the world, being a missionary, living out of your car or living in a townhouse in Manhattan, who can say that your life thus far and for years to come will be more or less fulfilled than mine? Just because I have been to France and you haven’t or that you have a sweet internship and I’m working graveyard shifts in no way says I’ve lived more or better or vice versa. That said, being married makes me no better and no worse a person but this is the path I have chosen for my life. And that’s the most important thing. That we chose our paths, and we have chosen what we think will make us happiest with the time and experiences we have been given. This is the path I chose, and this is why it has been the best decision I have ever made in my life.

That said,
24 Reasons Why I Got Married at 23   
1.    The most basic of reasons: I found “the one.” I don’t believe in fairy tales or soul mates, but…he’s it. I see no reason to prolong the inevitable when you know who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
2.    We are young enough that we can mold to one another. Neither one of us are completely set in our ways and it’s easier to meld a life together when neither one is hard as iron. We’re both still a bit soft and getting used to the meaning of “adulthood,” and together we can form healthy habits that complement one another.
3.    I believe marriage is the number one way we can be improved, because it’s all about selflessly letting go of your vices and petty desires and getting something much greater.
4.    Because I found a man with a heart for service that inspires me to love people better. Loving him teaches me to love others deeper and more unconditionally.
5.    Undeniably, life is hard. And I don’t think we’re supposed to go our entire lives facing it alone. In the two weeks we’ve been married, our car has broken down, we've been stranded for two days over 300 miles from home, and our apartment has flooded. As a woman who has been independent her whole life, it was ten times easier facing it all with your best friend.

6.    Because he makes me a better human being
7.    Because he makes me happy.
8.    Because it’s nice to always have someone to laugh with when life throws a curveball.
9.    Because we are stronger together than we are apart.
10.    We’re young enough to have adventures together still. Because how better to start off the journey of the rest of your life than to be with your best friend?
11.    I’ve noticed that many of my unmarried friends get really cynical about the idea of marriage as they get older and see so much tragedy, divorces and the like. We’re still bright eyed and bushy tailed with that optimism and determination that we are married for all time and eternity, no matter how the cookie crumbles.
12.    As a woman who lives her life based on Christian values, it’s nice to sleep in the same bed as the man I love.
13.    To start a family. America and the world needs more strong ones.
14.    I have dated enough guys that I know what I want. I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve broken a couple hearts in return. Vaughn is undoubtedly the one that I want.
15.    By marrying, you marry into another family, gaining another set of individuals who love and support you. And you will have them forever, no matter where or what happens because they’re your family.
16.    Because I know my husband will never hold me back from pursuing my dreams and I will always help him pursue his. That whole thing that you stop living life when you get married is a myth. When you have children, everything changes. You have to grow up a lot more. Marriage is just fun time and growing time with your best friend.
17.    Because I know that my husband loves me even when my true colors show. He loves me without makeup on, when I’m a set on finishing a project, when I throw a tantrum, when I am grumpy, when I make a huge mistake, when I get on his nerves, etc. That’s the kind of love money can’t buy.
18.    Because I firmly believe this is exactly where I am supposed to be for me personally in my life and in the life of my husband.
19.    My family adores him. Like, seriously. My grandma has already dubbed him her favorite, displacing all of her blood-related grandchildren. And I have been at his house almost weekly for the past three years, including Christmas, even when he was away for two of those years, so I think his family is alright with me.
20.    I strongly believe in the institution of marriage.
21.    Because I believe it is ordained of God to be married in His holy temple. I think marriage is where ultimate happiness lies.
22.    Because I believe our marriage in God’s holy temple will last not only in this life, but through all eternity.
23.    Because inevitably I am not a perfect person. Neither is he. I have many weaknesses that are his strengths. We complement each other well, and it makes challenges less scary when you have someone like that on your team.
24.    Because I have lived enough life doing what I wanted and growing and learning and traveling. I’ve done a lot of selfish things you can only do when you’re unmarried, including having one of the best jobs ever, last minute road trips, irresponsible late nights and all that happy goodness of young adulthood. It’s been fantastic and fun, no doubt. But honestly, having Vaughn is better. We will spend the rest of our young adulthood laughing and growing together. Vaughn is the puzzle piece that I felt more than ready to have click into place in my life and in my eternity.