Those That Mourn.

source: livescience.com

I have been trying to write this blog for weeks, and I never felt I could quite get it right. I don't know if it's right yet, but here it is. 

2016 has been a rough year. Not just because of the election, which contributed, but because it has been filled with many discouraging and heart breaking challenges. I have said goodbye to a friend who died in a car accident, I have seen the loss of infants, I have seen a loved one succumb to mental illness, and another give in to old addictions. My husband and I have not been able to start a family we desperately want, and I have witnessed this same pain in very near and dear friends. I have developed another injury in my foot, further hindering me from running and doing things I've been working towards for years. I have battled depression and anxiety, and don't feel equipped to combat them. 

I don't express these things to throw a pity party. I don't intend to make it sound like my life is harder than anyone else's. It's not. We all have our tragedies. I say this because it's important to talk about your challenges. When you talk about them, it opens the doors for others to talk about theirs also. We are a family of humans, and we are capable of sharing one another's burdens.  It helps us fulfill our baptismal covenants of "mourning with those that mourn." 

But these aren't things I want to dwell on this year. I don't want to look back on 2016 and call it a "year of grief," although it has sometimes felt like that. I have been angry with God; I have been frustrated with how things have worked out. "But I prayed to you! But I have done what you asked me! Where is my miracle?" However, Heavenly Father has lovingly redirected my perspective to view my personal challenges differently.

In April of this year, E. Donald L. Hallstrom gave a talk called "I Am a Child of God," where he said this:

"When difficult things occur in our lives, what is our immediate response? Is it confusion or doubt or spiritual withdrawal? Is it a blow to our faith? Do we blame God or others for our circumstances? Or is our first response to remember who we are—that we are children of a loving God? Is that coupled with an absolute trust that He allows some earthly suffering because He knows it will bless us, like a refiner’s fire, to become like Him and to gain our eternal inheritance?"

source: lds media

And again, God redirected my coping efforts through this talk from Elder Bednar:

"Is the load I am carrying producing the spiritual traction that will enable me to press forward with faith in Christ on the strait and narrow path and avoid getting stuck? Is the load I am carrying creating sufficient spiritual traction so I ultimately can return home to Heavenly Father?

...

In essence, the Savior is beckoning us to rely upon and pull together with Him, even though our best efforts are not equal to and cannot be compared with His. As we trust in and pull our load with Him during the journey of mortality, truly His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

We are not and never need be alone. We can press forward in our daily lives with heavenly help. Through the Savior’s Atonement we can receive capacity and 'strength beyond [our] own.'"

Throughout scripture we see that God doesn't always alleviate burdens in the way we expect. As Elder Bednar describes, we think happiness is the lack of challenges. But it's not. Jesus gives abundantly. Jesus shows mercy. Jesus provides. 

The beatitudes in Matthew 5 list attributes we are encouraged to have, but the one that has stuck out to me is in verse 4: "Blessed are they that mourn: for they will be comforted." It's the beatitude that requires us to do and be nothing. That's what the grace of Christs looks like. No matter who we are, we have access to Christ's comfort. We don't have to be worthy or do anything. This has been tremendously encouraging to me this year, knowing that I deserve none of the blessings that I receive. And yet, Christ continues to provide 12 baskets-full of excess.

I am grateful for the holidays coming at the end of the year, after the exhaustion of previous months. I am grateful for the opportunity to end  the year on a high note, regardless of what the year held. 

I have felt an outpouring of love from my Savior, and also from sweet neighbors and friends who have been His hands in my life.

As I seek peace and comfort in this blessed time of year, I hope you do too. I hope you can seek The One who succors all of us, and can bring you some much needed rest after a tumultuous year. Rest up, friends. Enjoy those new released movies, the Gilmore Girls, the cozy nooks, the soft scarves. 

source: Cloistered Away