The Pregnancy Monster

So, I'm pregnant. I'm closing in on the halfway mark of the pregnancy, and HUZZAH. I hear the second half is way more mind-blowing. Many friends and family have inquired about how it's been for me. I have strived to document this whole precious experience, especially since it's so different for every woman and every baby. I want to be able to look back and know what pregnancy was for me personally. And maybe I'll share more about how first trimester was later. But right now I want to focus on what's happening now. (don't worry, you didn't miss much with first trimester. It was literally just me sleeping all the time, and when I wasn't sleeping I was whining about not being able to eat. Boooooring.)

I had a couple of women sitting behind me in our stake meeting this morning, and I overheard this conversation:
Lady A: Oh my gosh, you have to tell me, what is it like being pregnant? I've always wondered!
Lady B: Um, well, for the most part I just feel like a monster. 
hashtag RELATABLE. 

How far along: 19 weeks

Size of baby: According to my Ovia app, a ripe papaya. 

Weight gain: -8lbs

Maternity clothes: Nope, but I have been doing this tricky thing where by the end of the day I use a hair-tie to extend the top button of my pants!

Sleep: I always start with the good intention of sleeping on my side, but always always end up on my back. 

Symptoms: Heart burn, aches, light-headedness, but most importantly: I have MAD mood swings! Sometimes I'm laughing so hard at the same Joe Biden - Obama meme that I've read every day for a week and sometimes I'm ugly crying at a season finale of Parks and Rec-- but nothing compares to the sob-ocalypse that was the episode of Michael Scott leaving The Office. Now Vaughn reads the description of a Sponge Bob episode and has to make sure I can handle it. 

I'm not crying. You're crying.

Food cravings: This changes daily, but it's almost always something from my childhood. Like a McDonald's cheeseburger with mayonaise only. Or these cookies from Safeway.
I don't live by a Safeway, but thank goodness I found a knock-off at CVS. 

Food aversions: Chicken. I just. can't. In anything. 

Bump: Sort of? I lost about ten pounds first trimester and I haven't gained much of it back yet. But it seems that all my chub is disappearing from my thighs and love handles and is congregating into this great little beer-belly. It's starting to shift lower (thus the hair-tie on the pants trick), but still not sure if it counts as an official "bump." Needless to say, none of my clothes fit right and it all feels peculiarly like puberty...  

Thoughts: During first trimester, I was so blase about  being pregnant. I would see these cute baby reveals on Pinterest and see how excited new moms were about their positive pregnancy tests on social media and while I enjoy it when other people put in that effort, just thinking about doing that myself, exhausted me. I really thought I would be that bubbly new mom who wanted all the information about my changing body, and the development of my miracle baby. I foresaw the reading of books and blogs and listening to all the podcasts I could find. I thought I was the type of person to have a cutsie baby reveal and to put a lot of thought and effort into a gender reveal. I thought I would be all about posting all the details on social media. I thought I would be DYING to know the gender. But I really wasn't. I had women tell me I just HAD to get an early ultrasound and it was so worth the $40 or $100 to find the gender at 12 weeks. But I really don't care. Maybe that excitement will come, but for now I'm grateful for this peaceful calm before the imminent hurricane of change.

As I get a lot of my energy back, I find myself getting more excited every day for this little baby. Finally, I can maybe do a bit beyond the survival mode of first trimester. I enjoy being around friends again! I'm now doing 5% of the apartment cleaning rather than negative 3%! I went on my first grocery run in a while where I bought more than just mac and cheese! I KNOW I DESERVE THE NOBEL PRIZE. Buuuut... I still crash like an old PC by 8 o'clock each and every night.

The best part of the pregnancy so far has been how it has affected my marriage. But it has also been the hardest part. It almost feels like we're newlyweds again. There's that strain of new territory coming. We talk about all the Big Things that we haven't touched on in a while. We've shared goals and bounced many ideas for our future back and forth. We've more closely aligned our goals, and continue to work to do so. Plus, as I've been an emotional, weepy, hangry, scary swamp creature the past few months, I have renewed gratitude in the man who I married. He cleans the house, he doesn't complain (even when I have no dinner planned for the 8th night in a row), he is the epitome of work ethic, he makes me laugh when I'm fussy, and he makes me want to be a better person. I am so grateful to have him by my side. 

pc: Francis Photography