Stop Reading Books You Hate.

Dear Fellow Bookworms,

I'm going to tell you something you already know. Books are life blood, the bright sinews that tie us together as a human race. They thread different ages, different cultures, different people together. They're beautiful and intricate, doors to worlds beyond our own and perspectives of people we will never meet around the world. Literary fluency teaches you empathy for others. Books make you kinder. Books place new glasses over your eyes to see the world in an unfamiliar tint. They are precious commodities we cannot take for granted.

Problem is, books don't always have this effect. Sometimes you're reading a book your best friend said was good or was recommended by some podcaster. Maybe you feel like you should read something cuz "it's a classic." Is that really why we read though? to add to our number of books read on Goodreads? To appease the general public? To keep up with the Joneses? No. That's dumb. Listen, there are not enough hours in the day to spend your rare leisure time reading books that you're not excited to read. This is a fact. 

But I know it's hard. Because I hold books in such high regard, I often have a hard time knowing when to say "Uncle" on a novel I don't like. I stubbornly want to finish books, no matter if they are good or not. As if I can make them better if I finish them, or maybe the ending will be SO GOOD that I won't remember the mud I slogged through to get there. Like how mother's forget the pain of labor when they see their beautiful babies. Or what about the authors!? They put so much hard work into creating this story for us. I want to do their work justice by giving them an honest try. OR more likely, I'll not want to put the time already devoted to starting the book to totally go to waste. Like I can make that time come back. It does neither of these things. It just wastes more of your time allowing a dementor-book to suck out your soul. 

Then I heard Josh Clark in the podcast Stuff You Should Know talk about Nancy Pearl's Rule of Fifty. If you don't know who she is, she's a reputable librarian. You can always trust a librarian when it comes to reading books. She basically says to give a book fifty pages before judging whether or not it's worth your time. If after fifty pages you still don't want to keep reading, then don't. Put it down and look elsewhere. The only stipulation is if you're OVER fifty years old, then you obviously need to be more picky about what you spend your time doing because, well, to put it bluntly, your time running out. So if you're over fifty, subtract your age from 100, and the difference is the number of pages to read before drop it. If you're 100 years old, guess what? You DO get to judge a book by its cover. 

Nancy Pearl's advice has since saved me from using precious time reading books that just don't suit me. Applying this tool, I recently abandoned the book Girl Waits With Gun by Amy Stewart. I reeeeeally wanted to like this book. It is based on real historical figures, one of which is a female sheriff in the early 20th century by the name of Constance Kopp. The plot sounds perfect for my style: Strong female lead, crime solving, breaking sexist stereotypes. But writing about a historical figure in first person feels a bit presumptuous and it sort of fell flat with me. I felt like I should care about the characters and the other Kopp sisters. But I didn't. Like Stewart had to tip-toe around historical fact and didn't want to make too many assumptions with character development. I might pick this up another time, but right now it just didn't jive with me.

And that's okay! It's not a failure. It just wasn't right for me right now. The idea of "wasting time" is such an arrogant phrase. "It wasn't worth my time," as if I am really particular about how I spend every minute of every day. (scroll scroll, double tap, like). But reading should be for your benefit, and if you're flogging yourself to finish this book or that book because it's a classic or because someone said you'd like it, then stop. 

There are so many books out there to pick from. There are books you will LOVE, and books that aren't your cup of tea. Every time you walk into the library or local bookstore, you're on a journey to find a book that makes you feel alive. Find something that will actually fill you up with light. Something that makes you think, make you feel something. Something that inspires you or excites you. Go forth and READ, but make it good. 

My Husband Described.

You know how there was that trend going around a bit ago about the three fictional characters who describe us best? Well, this is my evolution of it.
(drum roll please?)
My husband as described....in Parks and Rec characters.



Anyone who knows me knows that I am a big fan of Parks and Rec. Second probably only to my little sister Jayna, who watches it daily. There are few things that can raise my spirits like a word from little Pawnee, Indiana. Aside from the uncanny resemblance of my personal traits to its main character, Leslie Knope, it has genius comedic value, phenomenal character development throughout, and such solid casting. Five stars, would recommend.
I realize this is deeply self-indulgent, and I do. not. care.
For those of you who know him and/or love P&R, I hope you enjoy this. Those of you who don't... you're about to.
Of all the characters in the show, I have meticulously calculated that Vaughn is composed of the following:
31% Ron Swanson
2% Tom Haverford
26% Andy Dwyer
3% Chris Traeger
6% Jerry (Larry, Gary) Gergich
32% Ben Wyatt

How? Allow me to explain.

Ron Swanson (31%)

Vaughn is a pretty grumpy guy, crotchety-old-guy-on-a-stoop status. He hates change and would be pleased to wake up at the same time every morning, eat the same breakfast, do the same thing, and live in the same house for the entirety of his life. He has a heart of gold, but you have to dig through a grumpy exterior to find it. He also has simple loves, a general distaste for puppies, likes some GD peace and quiet, and he hates that Google knows where he lives. He also frequently says "everyone are idiots," and hates large groups of people.



Tom Haverford (2%)


Vaughn isn't really like Tom in any way, except he sings really obnoxiously to get my attention basically every minute of every day. Like so:



Andy Dwyer (26%)

You know him as the sexy Chris Pratt. To me, he is forever Andy Dwyer. He plays guitar and loves candy. His dream job is being a rockstar, but in actuality ends up playing gigs at kid's parties (is this not the perfect occupation for Vaughn?) And like the man I married, he also has a silly misunderstanding of how technology works and is crazy great with kids because he's basically still a child himself.

\

Chris Tregger (3%)

I LOVE Chris Traeger. He is a secondary character without whom my heart would be incomplete. Vaughn isn't a health nut like Mr. Traeger is (see description of Andy Dwyer), but this man can run for daaaaaays. Vaughn's resting heart rate is lower than a dead man's. Plus, he's slightly neurotic about organization and cleanliness, and when he gets sick, you'd think it's the plague for how melodramatic he is.



Jerry / Gary / Larry (6%)

POOR JERRY. Jerry has the worst luck of anyone on television ever. Such as it is with my husband. He is talented, lovable, but gets shafted in everything. He is never recognized for all that he does, and he is living proof that Murphy's Law is alive and well.
AND Jerry's got a smokin' hot wife, just like Vaughn does. ;)
Waa waaaaaa.


Ben Wyatt (32%)

Oh my love, Mr. Ben Wyatt. He is my heart throb on this show, which makes sense because he is most like my husband. Vaughn may not be as nerdy in the same type of things, but interests aside, his personality is pretty Ben Wyatt-y. They have similar views on Facebook and has accepted the official role of reining in his crazy girlfriend. Vaughn tolerates me pretty well, and is the only person able to talk down my crazy.
What you're about to see is actual footage of my husband.
Every time I open my mouth:

Every time I show affection:

Every time he thinks I'm not looking:

Every time he wakes up from a nap:


If you made it this far, BRAVO. Now you may know a little bit more about Vaughn. Or maybe you just have a strong desire to go binge watch Parks and Rec. I support both responses.
Vaughn is one spectacular guy. If you haven't met him, you should. But he's probably busy talking down his cuckoo wife from a pedestal of overreaction or intentionally singing the wrong lyrics to a pop song on the radio.

Much love, dude.

When Autumn Leaves Start to Fall

Ahh, fall is in full swing and I am in looove. Fall is my favorite season. Hands down. No contest. After the sticky, sweaty, oven-like summer, the autumnal winds and frost are a welcome reprieve.

I love fall for all the typical, white girls, cliche reasons: crunchy leaves, brisk mornings, layers, cute boots, hot chocolate, chapped lips, pumpkin spiced baked goods, you don't have to shave your legs ever, the temperatures -- after a couple days of the jacket on-or-off shuffle -- are ideal. I get to put away my bulky, R2D2-sized window AC unit and re-establish my beautiful book shelf's proper place in my living room. As far as seasons go, this one smells the best. The candle scents for autumn are bomb.

And let's all take a minute to remember that THIS is where I get to live:

For me though, this time of year is great for more sentimental reasons. Fall is when I met my husband, we have LDS general conference in the fall (see my post about that here) and it is when I start getting excited for Christmas. In fact, I think I love the preparation for Christmas more than the actual day of celebration . I'm that person who has all her Christmas shopping done by Thanksgiving because I cannot wait to do it!

Fall has the best activities too. Communities really come together around this time for football season or trunk or treats. I personally do not fall on the sports side of the spectrum, but nonetheless I do have fond memories of spending chilly Friday nights at the high school stadium with my friends. Then there are corn mazes, pumpkin patches, hay rides, jumping in leaves, farmer's markets, apple-picking, mountain drives to see the fall colors, festivals, Homecoming, bonfires, etc... Check Pinterest for a cornucopia of to-do lists to make you feel like you're not celebrating fall as enthusiastically as everyone else. My personal fave: Hiking. It's way better in the fall because you don't get sunburned and sweaty. and that beauty! Sorry Summer, you just can't compete with that color palette.

And y'all, fall harvest is no joke. I love the warm veggies in season right now. Pumpkin, butternut squash, acorn squash, yams, kale. Did I say pumpkin? I am always on that bandwagon. As far as baked goods at least. Pancakes, cookies, breads, brownies... It gives such a good, fudgy texture to everything you put it in. YUM. If you have never had pumpkin puree in a baked something, you are missing out and regardless of if you have a "Fall Bucket List" or not, write this down. I have already made three batches of pumpkin spice flavored cookies (two batches of this and one batch of this).

But ironically, my least favorite holiday all year is Halloween. I know, I know. Heresy! "We're gonna make you sit down and watch Hocus Pocus on repeat until you say you like it!" But hear me out. I don't like scary movies, I think getting a costume ready can be exhausting and if I'm not on a stage, I often feel uncomfortable in one. And honestly, I think I grew up thinking it was a satanic holiday that a good Christian girl like myself wasn't supposed to like. But that's neither here nor there because this year I am determined to get more into Halloween. Like, it's sort of dumb, but I've made myself a "Halloween Prep Checklist" of things I want to do to actually enjoy it rather than tolerate it like I usually do.

-Watch Halloweentown (check, wowza childhood!)

-Watch Hocus Pocus (check)

-Watch Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin (check)

-Watch Sleepy Hollow (check)
-Create a pretty basic, fun costume I'm stoked about, but is low-key enough I won't feel uncomfortable about it.
-Read H.G. Wells' The Invisible Man (check)

-Read The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson (in progress, and you're gonna want to click that link)

-Read Dracula by Bram Stoker (jk, just got a book from the library I've had on hold for ages. So.... good intentions, though, right?)

-Listen to spooky short stories by H.P. Lovecraft (in progress, this man had a dark pit of a mind)
-Carve a pumpkin, despite my obvious lack of artistic talent in that area. I even have the epitome of Pumpkin Perfection!

this lil chunk was sitting all by its lonesome in the patch,
waiting for a loving owner.

Another great thing about fall? You don't have to do anything at all to still think it's wonderful. And since everyone else is taking the chilly weather as an opportunity to hermit up in their homes to binge watch Stranger Things again, no one will even notice if you don't make it to the corn maze. You do you, man.

All this aside, I also love fall for the physical reminder that life does come in seasons. God has given us a sweet, gentle cradle of transition time to go from the hot summer nights to the frost cold of winter. God intended for things to ebb and flow, to grow and to die away. For me, fall is a time of the old dying away and an opportunity of a fresh start. With the crisp smell that accompanies each blissful fall day comes also the feeling of starting over. It's more powerful than a New Year's Resolution. Like when you were a kid and you always entered your first day of school, excited for a fresh start. Fall is an opportunity I want each of us to take, with deep breaths and open arms.

And if any of you have any suggestions for how to get more excited about Halloween (short of anything that will give me nightmares), shoot them my way!

Fall is where it's at, friends. Enjoy.

Call and Response

Today is Monday. Monday, October 3rd. This is no ordinary Monday. 

And it's not because it's the day mentioned in Mean Girls.

It's because for us Mormons, it is the day after General Conference. Twice a year, in April and October, we have a weekend full of spiritual uplift where leaders of our church speak to our global congregation. It is broadcast out of Salt Lake City, but their messages of guidance and love reach living rooms, meetinghouses and stake centers from rural Africa to urban Hong Kong. 

In the weeks and days leading up to this tremendous opportunity, we are encouraged to think of questions and concerns that are plaguing our minds and our hearts and prepare ourselves for the messages we are about to hear. We share miraculous stories of answered prayers and strong impressions from the Spirit directing us to do some very specific things. Start a family, go on a mission, marry that person you're dating, prepare to go through the temple, etc... I'm not here to say it's not worth the hype. General Conference is a very unique opportunity for Latter-Day Saints to hear from modern-day prophets and to hear messages divinely appointed. For me, the messages shared at General Conference are modern day scripture straight from the mouth of the Lord. And I do my best to treat it that way.

However, I recognize we don't all benefit from this typical approach. It is unrealistic to think every 6 months we will have that deep spiritual experience we often hope to have just by watching the telly for a few hours. And if God is a loving father who knows how to give good gifts to his children, he will give according to our needs. He knows not all of us learn the same way. We can't expect from ourselves to experience the messages of General Conference exactly the same.

The realistic expectation of General Conference looks like this:

10AM: Enjoy a traditionally large and carb-heavy breakfast while Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings us into the first session.

10:15 Take notes actively, write down everything said

10:30 Notes taking slows, hands cramp

10:35 Start coloring in a coloring book to stay awake and retain focus.

10:59 Breakfast-induced coma. Notes have amounted to writing the name of the speaker and topic they're talking about. 

11:00 Stand and walk around for intermediate hymn. Refill breakfast plate.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

You gotta say, there is a whole lot of information to take in at once. To tell you the truth, my attention span sucks. I doze off more than I'd like to admit. But this doesn't make me a terrible person. It's not that I'm not spiritual enough to enjoy conference. And if you struggle in a similar way with sitting through 8-10 hours of conference, don't fret! In my opinion, what you do after Conference has far more impact on your life than what you do during. (this is NOT to say you shouldn't make it a priority to watch the conference live. I would still highly enocurage it!) But how do we plan to respond to His call?

Now if the typical approach to watching General Conference allows you to get all out of it that you need to, then by all means, sally forth! Personally, that doesn't work for me. Here's what does. (and because I am who I am, I MUST MAKE A LIST).

1. Do not go into Conference with Questions.

I swear I'm not being blasphemous. I'm just really stubborn and self-centered, so if I spend time thinking about questions I have, I will ignore everything else said in Conference that doesn't pertain to that question. I get tunnel vision, and I miss messages that I really need to hear. And let's face it, I know a whole lot less about what I actually need to hear than Heavenly Father does.

In my experience, the answers I seek have rarely come from watching the sessions of Conference. Rather, the words spoken and the Spirit brought from Conference teaches me and reminds me how to find the answers I seek. I used to be frustrated that the talks at Conference were shallow and how they never addressed specific challenges or questions pertaining to me. They say the same things every Conference. Like clockwork, there will be a talk about Christ, about the temple, about family, about prayer, about scripture study, about repentance, about the Atonement, about faith in the prophet... You can anticipate these topics, but it does not diminish their value. I have found that as I watch the sessions, the most powerful promptings I experience aren't in the specific words said. Instead, the Spirit tugs my heart strings about specific things I can do to find strength and hope.

2. Take notes -- wisely.

I believe this was under the direction of Elder Bednar, but I've gotten in the habit of drawing a line down the page of my notes. On one side I write things I like from the talk, who is speaking, the overall theme. On the other side I write promptings that are for me personally. Often these have little to do with the talks. Read this, study that, pray about this, seek an opportunity to serve this sister.

3. Reread said notes.

After the conference, I go back through my notes and consolidate them into four sections: themes throughout the entire conference (i.e. five speakers spoke specifically about repentance!), things to study (Preach My Gospel!), things to pray about (How can I analyze political and social issues in a Christian way?), and personal inspiration (call your mom!).

4. Read the talks.

I learn better through reading than I do listening, so when the November Ensign magazine comes to my door I gobble it up. I study each talk thoroughly, starting with the ones I noted liking especially from Conference. I make sure to read each one through. If I don't, it becomes to easy to only read the talks that make me feel good. You know the ones. The talks that we take to be a personal pat on the back. Similar to how we approach our social media intake and news outlets, we lean in to the talks that give us a warm fuzzy feeling and soothe our egos. And then ignore the talks that speak to things I really need to improve upon.

It is different for everyone. My intent is not to tell you how to approach your Conference experience. But rather to help us see that we are not all cookie cutter Molly Mormons who have to benefit in exactly the same ways as everyone else. 

Last General Conference there was a talk by an apostle that I just really didn't like. With all the craziness of the world, I felt this one was petty and unimportant and why would this man think this is the most important concept to talk about for all the saints? As I was reading through the talks, after Conference, I could tell I was procrastinating reading that one. It didn't feel like it applied to me, and worse, I justified it by thinking "Well, it wasn't THE prophet speaking, so it can't be that crucial." Upon reading it again, it was like the scales had fallen from my eyes. There were nuggets extremely important to me personally and to my future family. How easily I could have ignored this talk! How grateful I am that the Spirit tugged on me until I read it and received the message I needed to hear.

That is the beauty of the Gospel. In Christ, we can chisel, bit by bit, at our imperfections in hope and faith of becoming the daughter and son that God intended us to become. General Conference is a tool in this chiseling we cannot allow to grow rusty on our work bench. General Conference should mean so much more to us than a weekend of couch time and cinnamon rolls. It should resound with us for months and months, and roll on into eternity.

I know Heavenly Father speaks to us through his followers, and provides us a special and personal opportunity to hear the messages we need from our church leaders. I am grateful that God answers prayers and always provides a way back home to him. God keeps his promises.