How to Not Be a Jerk on the Internet: An Open Letter to Myself

Dear Rebecca,

The internet should be used as a tool to connect people, spread information, and to make the world a little smaller. It is a double-edged sword. Proper and appropriate use of the internet can and has benefited humanity as a whole on a grand scale, but acting immature, unkind and ungrateful for the gift of the internet has dastardly consequences that hurts human progression. I write this letter out of concern. You have been guilty of the latter for the past few months. Political tensions are high and your sense of justice may be considered admirable by some, but is contrary to your personal ethos.

In 2011, E. Dallin H. Oaks spoke about Truth and Tolerance: “As modern transportation and communication have brought all of us into closer proximity to different peoples and different ideas, we have greater need for tolerance. …

“This greater exposure to diversity both enriches our lives and complicates them. We are enriched by associations with different peoples, which remind us of the wonderful diversity of the children of God. But diversities in cultures and values also challenge us to identify what can be embraced as consistent with our gospel culture and values and what cannot. In this way diversity increases the potential for conflict and requires us to be more thoughtful about the nature of tolerance.”

You have left embers in your wake with your fiery, sometimes cruel words. Is that what you stand for? Is that what you want to be known for? No. That is not who you are. My dear, “be loyal to the royal within you.”  You are a daughter of God, a disciple of Christ. You are called to be better. To be the light, not someone who breeds darkness and bitterness like a monster pouring black paint on other’s artwork. 

Allow me to remind you what you stand for. You stand for conversation, not argument. You believe the internet can be a tool to not just connect people to their friends and family, but to expand their horizon of thought. It is a tool for understanding those you may never meet, and learning about circumstances beyond your experience to increase your empathy for your fellow man. You stand for what is spoken of in Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may , minister grace unto the hearers.”  You believe in edifying your brothers and sisters in Christ, and those who have a different faith, or no faith at all. You believe “in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men…If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, [you] seek after these things” (13th article of faith). First and foremost, you believe in loving people—and that includes people who disagree with you. 

Here are some guidelines to keep in mind when interacting on the interwebs to bring light to those of your acquaintance.

1. Respect people

You often see people with posts that say “If you do such-and-such thing, you’re an idiot,” That’s telling people that based on your opinions (not your actions, not who you are), you are unworthy of respect. They are not. He or she is someone’s parent, friend, sibling, child. Regardless of their point of view, they are a child of God. They are our brother or sister and have the right to be treated with love and kindness. And when you humanize someone, they are far more likely to respond kindly back than if you treat them like an imbecile.

Even worse, you are more likely to disrespect those you do not know. It’s easy if all you know about someone is their name (or sometimes even just their username). They aren’t a breathing, feeling, complete human being in your mind. They’re just a voice on Facebook who disagrees.  I would urge you to remember that people are still people. Every disagreeing voice on Facebook is still a human being. 

2. Eliminate the US vs THEM mentality.

A house divided cannot stand, right? Rebecca, in your self-proclaimed perspective, you attribute the polarity issue in our country as the number one obstacle to beneficial development. Then you go and play into it yourself. 

 Progress in our country will only be reached when we realize that people have different opinions and different perspectives, but all are trying to make the United States better. This article expresses this point very thoroughly. Polarizing people, blaming one side for the downfalls of our nation, is insipid. We have problems because we are a nation run by people, and nothing man ever creates is without flaw. There should be no Republicans vs Democrats, no White vs Black (or any people of color), no Rich vs. Poor, no Men vs. Women, no Christians vs. Atheists. 

For example, no, the democrats are not trying to ruin the country by letting Muslims in, and no, Republicans aren’t trying to be racist jerks by not letting them in. If there was fluid, incorrupt communication between the two, we would see democrats are acting out of compassion and republicans are acting in defense of their families and well-being. Both sides have good intentions. If everyone had an honest conversation, there would be less mud-slinging and more learning. Hearts would soften because you’re hearing about someone’s experience rather than someone’s “wrong” opinion. 

Marvin J. Ashton has a quote that says, “Woe unto those who feast on the dirt and the distasteful instead of the fruits.”

3. Don’t respond in kind when others are not kind. 

Sometimes, even when you play nice, there are people who will not. Be humble enough to apologize when you need to, but have enough self-respect to walk away from a cat fight that’s a-brewing. That’s what “turn the other cheek” means.

When Christ was confronted before the Sanhedrin in Matthew 26, it is said his response to the high priest was simply that he “held his peace” (verse 63).  Rebecca, you can learn a lot from what Jesus said, but you can also learn from his silence. Sometimes, especially on the internet where any amount of careful wording can be misconstrued, silence is the kindest, most respectful option.

Ellen DeGeneres said this when she was given the People’s Choice Humanitarian Award: “It’s a little strange to actually get an award for being nice and generous and kind. Which is what we’re all supposed to do with one another. That’s the point of being human.” And I would add, that is a huge part of being Christian.

4. Cool your jets. 

Don’t shop for groceries when you’re hungry. 

Don’t send a letter when you’re angry. 

Don’t make legal decisions when you’re on painkillers. 

Don’t drive when you’re upset. 

And don’t post on Facebook when you’re feeling overly passionate. 

A representation of what internet arguments look like.

You have strong opinions, Rebecca. That is evident. You feel a lot by nature, and community is important to you. That’s pretty normal. Most people want that. But when someone who you thought would be on your side turns out to have very different opinions, you lash out in indignation—and yes, burn bridges. Your first response is usually the natural man, so take a step back, take a walk, go index, go clean something and think about what specifically upset you. Is this person your friend? Would starting a conversation about your opinions be helpful or hurtful? If you can’t approach it with a level head, just keep scrolling. Or better yet, go do something useful with your time. 

5. Value people.

“Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;” (Doctrine & Covenants 18:10)

Everyone is entitled to an opinion. If you had the entirety of someone’s life experiences, their economic situation, their family life, their education, or their faith system, you may very well have their exact same sentiment. My husband often says “If you know someone’s story, it makes it hard not to love them.” I think that’s really true. If someone agrees with you, you feel this burning desire to explain why you think the way you do. Don’t you think others have the same desire? So hear them out, and pray that they hear you out too. Who knows, maybe that’ll start a conversation that leads to progress. Maybe you’ll change your mind. And that’s more than okay. That’s what we’re called here to do. We are meant to grow, and learn and become more educated—and guess what? Sometimes that means changing your mind. If you haven’t changed your mind about anything, you haven’t learned anything. 

Before posting, ask yourself these questions: 

• Is it edifying?
• Will it be heard well and correctly by those you are communicating with?
• Are you responding in anger or genuine desire to have a conversation?

If there is one thing I hope to take out of this life, it’s to learn to value people over being right. 

This year will be challenging for you. It’s an election year. You’ll be tempted to post things you find funny, but may offend someone or lead to bickering in the comment section. Sometimes you’ll get riled up. Sometimes you’ll be hurt by posts from your friends. Some friends will say things like “if you vote this way, delete me.” Don’t. You will see posts you think are bigoted, racist, small-minded, ridiculous, sexist, nonsensical and some absolutely crazy--and it will be from people you like. Just let it go. This horrendous season called "election year" will pass, and relative peace will return to your news feeds. The cat videos and selfies will return soon enough.

Remember who you are and remember who everyone else is too. That is, they are your brothers and sisters on this speck of blue in the vastness of the cosmos. 

Remember that the world is changed by your example, not your opinion. Go and do better than you have.

And first and foremost, remember to love your fellow inhabitants of the earth. 

with love,

Yourself

Humble Pie and Healing.

          I pride myself in being a very independent person. My mom says I’ve been like this since I was little. From telling my grandma I wanted mayonnaise on my banana bread to wanting to play my own player at a board game, I was a stubborn little girl who always wanted to do things by myself. To this day, I love being independent and “grown up.” I was anxious to get my driver’s license when I was 16. I was anxious to have a job as soon as it was legal. I’ve filed my own darn taxes since I was 17. I enjoy making lists and schedules and meal plans and budgets.  This may come as a surprise to some of you (*cough*sarcasm*cough*) but I am a control freak. I know. SURPRISE!

 Well, Heavenly Father knows when to knock us off our high-horses, and it was about time for me to cram down some humble pie. I have had to be extremely dependent on others. As of today, I have not been able to drive nor walk very far for 22 days, and although I was permitted to return to work, I had to stay at my desk for two weeks. For my job, I usually spend 70% of my time in the lab. As I recover from surgery, it has been a challenge for me.  

What happened is I broke the tibial sesamoid in my right foot by landing wrong after a pirouette. It was my senior year of college, about three years ago. There was a sharp pain in my right foot, but it didn’t bother me after that. I thought nothing of it until I moved to Utah and decided I really wanted to run a half marathon. As I increased my weekly mileage my foot would just ache. I kept trying to ease into it slower and slower, iced it, massaged it, but regardless of how easy I took my runs, my foot was hurting worse. I sought out a podiatrist here in Utah. X-rays showed that I had broken a sesamoid in both feet, but my left foot was asymptomatic (which just means it’s worked itself out and doesn’t hurt). The left injury probably happened while I was running at some point and I just didn’t notice. My doctor said it wasn’t common to have both broken, but since my foot is hyper mobile, meaning it moves laterally more than most feet do, I am prone to it. Just like my mom.

                I inherited some really wonderful things from my mother. Her graceful hands, her empathy for others, her optimism, her deep emotions, her gumption, her concern for others. But unfortunately, I also inherited her feet. Her small, slender feet with high arches and hyper mobility. Weak feet with a tendency to break. In fact, she broke both her sesamoids too! How cute are we.

My doctor gave me some options before talking about surgery, but the pain was increasing. Last year I realized I couldn’t do yoga anymore. Hiking was out. Running was definitely out. I was confined to specific types of strength training because lunges, which put vertical pressure directly on your sesamoid, had become a special type of torture.  

After over a year of other attempts, I opted for the surgery—a tibial sesamoidectomy, to be exact, which is a big, big word for “Let’s take this broken bone out!”  I was pretty freaked out about it. I’ve never had surgery before, unless you count getting wisdom teeth taken out. When I had my pre-operation appointment, my doctor was explaining exactly what they would do in as sensitive a way as he could, but I almost passed out. He noticed my pallor and stopped with the gruesome details and then spoke about my options for anesthetic. He explained general anesthetic, a lighter general anesthetic called MAC, or just local anesthetic. When he went to the last option, he said “but I definitely wouldn’t recommend that for you, because then you’d be awake for it.”Another wave of nausea came over me.

When I talked to my mom about my pre-op, she started laughing.

“What!?” I asked.

“I just didn’t know you were such a wimp!” My mother said she had just gotten the local anesthetic. I was astonished. I mean, I knew my mom is pretty thug. But she was awake for the entirety of her surgery?! She could see all the blood, she could hear the sound of her foot being mangled up, and could smell all the great smells that accompany surgery. Man, my mom is a champ! Beneath her bubbly exterior, she is one tough cookie.  

I was pretty shaky and weepy the day of the surgery. I had this irrational fear that the anesthetic wouldn’t work and I would just be paralyzed but conscious. My wonderful husband gave me a priesthood blessing, and that helped. The surgery was done at Orem Community Hospital and I was superbly impressed with the staff there. They answered all sorts of silly questions and explained everything really thoroughly. They made me laugh, which is really important for me when I’m anxious and stressed. I met all of the nurses and doctors who would be working on me face to face before being rolled into the surgery area. Honestly, the worst part was getting the IV put in. I usually have great veins.  I donate blood often and have never had a bad experience.  But the combination of dehydration from fasting and nervous jitters made my veins shrink. They had to go through my hand, which was pretty uncomfortable. This easily could have been my first bad experience with needles, but the nurse was awesome so it turned out okay.

                When I woke up after the surgery, my sweet husband was next to me. He was on his phone and I asked him what he was doing. He said he was texting his mom. LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE. He was writing down the loopy things I was saying, because I had actually been awake and chattering away for a while before I was really conscious of it. Which, kudos to him, because it was hilarious. I’m glad he was there to document it.

Here are some of the things this crazy nut says when she gets out of surgery:

Me: "Where is the doctor?"
V: "He's gone."
Me: "You mean he bailed!?!?!?!"

"The prep was the worst part...this feels amazing!"

"Can I see the bone?" (I asked this several times, even though I told Vaughn specifically I didn’t want to see it the day before)

Said with great emphasis: "I'm coming back!!!!"

"If you're going to die, this is the way to go; just fall asleep, man..." This is, in fact, how Rodney Dangerfield wanted to die. I totally get it.

"Why was I freaked out about this...the worst part was poking the IV in... (looking down at my hand) Which is still here!!!!!!!!"

V: "Why don't you try to eat something."
Me: "That's like, the best suggestion you've made..."

Nurse: "Here is some apple juice".
V: "Hey, drink your apple juice."
Me (drinking apple juice): "Hey! This is apple juice!!!"

                Since then, I have been simply doted upon. My friend Ashley came and stayed with me the first day when Vaughn had to go to school. My friend Morgan brought me M&Ms and gum. The Browns brought me dinner.  My in-laws sent me this mondo care package that consisted of a butler’s bell to ring for help and enough snacks to build a fort with. I received phone calls, texts, and messages galore just checking in with me to see if I needed anything.

                And then there was Vaughn. My husband, AKA WORLD’S BEST TEAMMATE AND SWEETEST HUSBAND OF ALL TIME. He went above and beyond anything I could have imagined or asked for. That was extremely humbling for me. I strive to be the one to take care of him. In this time of our married life, I get to be the bread-winner, I get to make him dinner, I drive us most places. He remembered to do everything the nurses suggested. He sent me text reminders to hobble around like I was supposed to every hour while he was at school. He did the exercises assigned to make sure I had adequate blood flow to my toes and to check for blood clots. He made me dinner—something he’s not the most familiar with doing. But he did so very cheerfully. He brought me ice packs and took them off at the right times. He even set alarms to wake up throughout the night to put ice packs on and off, even though I said he shouldn’t worry about it at night. But he insisted because the nurses said the first 24 hours were the most important to keep the swelling down. He did this for three nights. THREE NIGHTS. He was sweet without being asked, he was sensitive to my needs. He would bring me a blanket when he knew I forgot. He kept my water filled up consistently. He bought me meds from the store. He took on the glamorous job of helping me bathe when I couldn’t do it by myself. This man is a champ. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve him. It’s not like he doesn’t have a full plate. He has a really challenging semester. He has enough to worry about without a gimp wife.  But he never complained. He’s an angel. I can’t give this man enough accolades.

                Another aspect of this surgery was giving up piano for a while. We had just purchased a digital piano, which I have fallen in love with. It’s been so long since I’ve had a piano in my home, basically since I moved out of my mom’s place, that it has been a major treat to have a piano again. But I had to give up a couple months of accompanying my ward’s choir. It’s a silly thing, and I know there are many people capable and willing to take my place. But I’m really selfish, and it’s something I really enjoy doing. It took a lot of effort to admit I couldn’t do it for a while.

                To be honest, I really like feeling needed. And for a few weeks, I felt basically useless. I didn’t cook dinner. I didn’t put on make-up. I didn’t go grocery shopping.  I didn’t do much. And I was so powerless that I had to allow people to help me, and I was extremely humbled to see how many people were sincerely willing to help me. Heavenly Father has placed special people in my life to help me feel loved. Not needed, just loved.

                It was a tender reminder that we don’t need to do anything to receive God’s love. We come to him as we are and plop ourselves before him, with our messy buns and clumsy words, and he shows us that we are his beloved, divine daughters.  Heavenly Father would be so happy to take care of His children, if we just place the precious pearl of our lives into his very capable hands.

                Today, I am grateful. I needed this surgery more than just physically. My heart is softened and I felt a layer of calloused pride be stripped away. I have been watched over and administered to by angel friends and family. Healing has come quickly. The incision is scarred up, discoloration almost nonexistent, most mobility has returned.  I never felt much pain, just some discomfort from a nerve which I realized for the first time this evening no longer hurts. I have high hopes of running again. I still want to do a half marathon. I also look forward to dancing and hiking and going on walks with my husband and practicing yoga.  You guys, I am so excited. 

Clashes.

Israel / Palestine – Part 2

This next and final part of the blog may seem like a hodgepodge of events that don’t exactly come together in a neat and tidy pattern. That’s sort of what it felt like: we were given all these different experiences, puzzle pieces that didn’t go together, and we struggled to make sense of them and combine them as a cohesive whole.  This is an attempt.

Our second day in Israel, we went to Independence Hall in Tel Aviv, where Israel declared itself a country in 1948. We heard from a very enthusiastic, passionate historian name Ruthe. She was charismatic and emphatic in talking about her nation. She talked about Jews as being the underdog. They were persecuted for hundreds of years by Europeans, by Russians, even by Americans. In some of their most desperate times of need, they were blocked out of countries and left to die in concentration camps. Everywhere they went, they were driven out, killed, robbed, treated as criminals just because they worshipped differently, dressed differently, spoke differently. Millions of Jews worldwide were facing the same persecution, until one day, a man named Herzl came along and said “Enough. After centuries of this treatment, we deserve our own nation.” And the underdog, the age-old victims fought their way for a place to call home. It was an emotional speech, and it was evident how important this event was to Ruthe. There was also a Jewish family with us for her presentation who were in tears thinking about the struggles. Jews have faced an existential crisis for hundreds of years. And it’s important to remember that. Every decision made by Israel has come from a fear of losing everything. Because they have come close to extinction many times in our not-so-glamourous history.

                Shortly after Tel Aviv, we stopped by Jaffa. Beautiful place, Jaffa. It’s on the coast, you can see the Tel Aviv skyline light up the sky like celestial stars. There’s this pseudo-European marketplace, with high class shops. Very clean, very posh. We were enjoying taking pictures and admiring the view.

Beautiful Jaffa

Tel Aviv city lights. 

                Then Dil asked, “Do you know what an erasure is?” We didn’t. He then explain that an erasure is a place that used to be populated by Palestinians, by Arabs, who were kicked out of their homes by force so Israel could build something nice and touristy there instead. Jaffa is an example of an erasure. The nice area in front of the Western Wall in Jerusalem is another example. It’s where Jews gather on Friday nights to dance and celebrate the Sabbath Day. Hundreds of Arab families evicted and homes demolished to make room for something Israel wanted. Sepphoris is another example. It used to be an Arab city, but Israel pushed them out and now it serves as an historical tourist site. You might have heard of an organization called the Jewish National Fund, the JNF. In the 90s, the JNF solicited for donations to grow trees and beautify the countryside. Although much of this money did go to planting trees, much of it also went into destroying Arab villages to create forests simply for aesthetic appeal. It can be more complicated that just Israelis pushing Arabs out. Sometimes, like in Jaffa, the Arabs benefit from the parks made too. Some may have lost their homes, but for some, it’s not the worst thing.

Beautiful Israeli countryside

Then there is a neighborhood in Jerusalem called Silwan. It’s right outside the Old City walls. When you are on a tour with a Jewish rightist, he will take you to this gorgeous excavation site where they are uncovering ancient Jewish ruins say “This is David’s City.” Then he will point across the street and say “and that is Silwan, an Arab ghetto.” But what he fails to say is Silwan and “David’s City” are one and the same. The old city of David is in Silwan, which has become a slum due to Israel’s ghettoization of it. Israel is using politics and withholding tax dollars being paid by everyone, including Arabs in Silwan, for schools and sanitation in an attempt to push Arabs out. Israel wants Silwan to dig up their ancient sites to further prove this land is theirs. They’re crafty in how they do it too. Their actions are completely legal, or at least probably are. But just because something is legal, doesn’t make it right. Pogroms were legal too. We entered Silwan and spoke with a woman attempting to run a school for Arab children. She spoke of some pretty horrible things the IDF does to the children of Silwan, but also how discouraging it is to try to raise good men and women in conditions where they receive no support. They are set up for failure. It’s the same story in our own slums and ghettos. Kids will drop out of school and join gangs and get involved in things generally frowned upon in society because they are out of options and they want to support their families. It was a little startling to see how universal that sociology is.

"My homeland is not a suitcase and I am no traveler." in Silwan

To be able to enter Israel as a tour group, you have to have a tour guide. Our tour guide was a Palestinian named Hassan, and he was so levelheaded. Let me tell you a brief anecdote on the kind of man Hassan was. We had a tour with a radical rightist Jew named Daniel, and during this tour, Daniel was extremely rude to Palestinians, with full knowledge of who Hassan was and that he was in our group. Daniel called all Palestinians violent dogs who are selfish and want all of Israel to themselves, intolerant of Jews and who all wreak havoc on the peaceful neighborhoods of Jewish people. He made fun of the Quran and claimed the only thing Palestinians care about are their 70 virgins in heaven. He was impeccably rude to Hassan. He was talking to us, the students, but he knew Hassan was there. He knew Hassan was Palestinian. And Hassan just took it in stride. He still made sure none of our group got lost in the tight Jerusalem streets. He helped a young woman in our group up when she tripped. When I asked him about it afterwards, he shrugged. He didn’t say anything bad about Daniel, even though Daniel had plenty negative to say about him. But we all loved Hassan. For someone who had so many reasons to be angry, he was very even-tempered.  He was always waiting for us on the tour bus, and was never late despite the checkpoints he undoubtedly had to go through to arrive at the Jerusalem Center where we stayed the last week. One morning, we found out that he had been awake all night because there had been an IDF raid in his neighborhood and there was shooting. But he did not complain once. We probably would not have found out it had happened at all had it not been for one of our professors drawing attention to it.

Saying goodbye to our awesome tour guide, Hassan.

Having a Palestinian as a tour guide allowed us to travel into cities labeled “A Zones.” In September of 1995, world leaders got together to try to get Palestine and Israel to agree (one of many attempts at establishing peace). Part of the accord was labeling different areas in the West Bank as A, B, or C Zones. A zones were controlled by the Palestinian Authority, B Zones have joint Israeli-Palestinian authority, and C zones have full civil and security control by Israel. Israelis are not allowed to cross into A zones. If it weren’t for Hassan, we would not have been able to get into these zones either. Some really important historical and biblical places are labeled as A Zones, like Jericho, Bethany, and Bethlehem. These Zones were set up to encourage a two-state solution between Israel and Palestine. Palestine couldn’t quite get on its feet. Its government had a lot of corruption and things to work through, so the agreement was that Israel would give it some aid until it could be a country again. However, over the years, this dream of a two-state solution has diminished. The likelihood is very slim, if not impossible at this point due to Jewish settlements. Radical Zionists began building settlements in C Zones illegally. Palestinians and the United Nations kept getting on Israel to stop allowing the settlements to be built and basically Israel would try half-heartedly to stop them: “Hey guys, you should stop doing that.” And then when they didn’t stop it, “oh alright. Here’s some running water and electricity.” Today, millions of dollars have been invested in these settlements, and there’s no way Israel is going to lose all that money and move their people out. Even though it is in direct violation of all their agreements to make peace with Palestine. Recently it has become even more evident that Israel has no intention of removing these illegal settlements.

We entered Israel from Jordan, and it was immediately evident how must more Westernized and clean and aesthetically appealing Israel is. This is probably intentional as Israel wants to be very distinguishable from Arab culture. It is much greener, the farms are made of neater, straighter lines. The equipment is newer and the countryside is more lush. Israel is beautiful. But the hospitality ends there. Israel just isn’t very friendly as a whole. The checkpoints are brutal. I am not a fan of 18-year-olds waving automatic rifles in my face as an intimidation tactic to keep us tourists in line. Tourists, I might add, who provide most of the economic stability Israel has. I also did not appreciate the woman on the street stopping us in the street and asking why we were traveling with him, while pointing a jeering thumb at Hassan. She stopped a couple of us just a few steps outside of the Muslim quarter of Jerusalem. She couldn’t tolerate a Palestinian even three paces outside of their cage.

                Probably the most emotional, challenging site of the trip was seeing the Separation Wall. I didn’t even know it existed until we were there, and it was difficult for me to control my emotions.  The Separation Wall was built by Israel to separate Jews from Palestinians. It does not abide by international peace agreements. It almost seems arbitrary, as it snakes nearly 700 km (450 miles) long. It is 8 meters high (about 26 feet) and in many places has barbwire on the Israeli side. It prevents Arabs from going to school, work or just visit friends who live on the other side of the fence. It sends a clear message. Arabs are not welcome in Israel. And we’re going to make your life hell to deter you from getting jobs and attending well-funded school until you leave.

Separation Wall, Bethlehem

                The specific place part of the Separation Wall we visited was in Bethlehem, and we saw it from both the Palestinian side. It’s like night and day. Slums on the Palestinian side, posh and white on the Jewish side. Political graffiti and stories have been posted on the Arab side. It breaks my heart that we live in a world where building up a wall is still considered a solution.

                It all falls around the very real, very valid existential concern that Jews have. This means there are Jews today who are very afraid that tomorrow they won’t exist. They are ferociously defensive because when they weren’t, they were persecuted. There’s this concept that’s come about in the 19^th century called the “New Jewish man,” a man who is strong and fights for his life and his family. It’s fierce and sheds all the worn threads of passivity. They will fight for a home, even if it means crushing an entire nationality to do so. Isn’t that the gruesome truth about how any nation came into being though? The United States certainly falls into this category with brutality towards Native Americans. Nation-building isn’t pretty. Israel is just arriving late to the game. The established countries of the world just got all their bloodshed out of the way hundreds of years ago.

                But there’s something deeply ironic about all this. Israel has put a lot of effort into placing themselves as the victims in this equation. Their holocaust museum, when compared with the Holocaust museum in Washington DC, is shows a people deeply wounded. A people crushed almost out of existence. And they were the victims for many hundreds of years. Here’s a description of the Warsaw Ghetto in Poland during WWII.

•  Jews were rounded up from the suburbs and herded into the city, into an area too small to contain them all
•  Jews were closed off to the outside world.
• The Warsaw Ghetto’s wall was typically about 10 feet tall and topped with barbed wire.
•  Escapees could be shot on sight.

Doesn’t this sound familiar? Is this exactly what the separation wall is doing? Isn’t this what the erasures have been? Why thousands of Arabs were herded into Nazareth so Israel could demolish their home to plant trees? Israel is still playing the victim to justify oppression of Palestinians. 
              What this all comes down to is basic playground psychology. Hurt people hurt people, and the Jewish people have not been healed from their generations of wounds. They are a bully in the park because they were bullied first. Violence is how they were taught to function, and when Palestinians respond in kind, they point fingers at them and say “Look, what barbarians they are.” It’s interesting to see how Israel can keep playing the victim while victimizing and dehumanizing the Palestinian people. They definitely have the upper hand in this conflict.

                This isn’t to say it is completely Israel’s fault. I truly believe there should be a safe place for Jews. They are a culture of their own, they have a unifying faith, and they are great in number. That sounds a whole lot like a people who deserve their own country. The Palestinian government was weaker than the unified, organized Israeli government. Palestine’s rulers were corrupt and the people divided. There are Palestinians who have grown up being beaten down both physically and psychologically, and to some, the only way to get attention that they need help is through violence. Again, kid stuff. When you start looking at politics as schoolchildren, motives become clearer. HAMAS, (pronounced Hum-Ahs, if you would, Ben Carson) is considered a terrorist organization, but they were willing to reach out to the Arabs in the ghettos. For example, they built a park in Silwan for the children there when the Israeli government wouldn’t fund one. So Palestinians voted HAMAS in because that’s where they saw help. It sounds crazy to us on the outside, but these people are desperate.

                All of this has come from fear. Jews rake Arabs out of their country because they’re scared of losing it. Palestinians are defined by those violent days of rampaging where you see horrendous videos of Jewish rabbis being mowed down by terrorists. Both Israelis and Palestinians see the other as stubborn and unrelenting. Both believe that if they give an inch, a mile will be taken from them. Both have firm reasons to believe this land is theirs. And they are both valid.  Jews might have been there first, but Palestinians (or the Ottomans) were there longer. Jews won the war, but does that give them the right to repeat the same cruelties that happened to them? Jews may argue that they are a Jewish state because Israel is made up of more Jews than Arabs, but that isn’t counting the Palestinians expelled from their homes who now live in Jordan. Palestinians in Jordan still consider themselves refugees, even though an entire generation has grown up in Jordan. 

                I don’t mean to leave out crucial details. I recognize that not all Palestinians are like Hassan. I know there are some who breed violence. But that’s the face the media portrays, and I figured we see enough of that. The news in the United States also makes it seem like Palestinians are always the stubborn ones in the peace talks, and that Israel is really cooperative. Well, the truth is, neither side really has been helpful 100% of the time. Israel has a tendency to be compliant only when it benefits them. They will talk about how the UN recognized them as a nation in 1948, therefore they are a valid country, but ignore the UN when they asked them to stop building settlements in the West Bank. It goes back to playground psychology. We listen to the authority that we like until we don’t like them anymore. And we throw tantrums and bully others until we get our way.

                I have heard people tell me that the situation in Israel will never get better. Not because we can see the situation is futile, but because it has been prophesied as such. Even if that is the case, (which, in my personal point of view, it is not the case) does that make it okay for us as Christians to sit back and look on at the challenges and struggles in that part of the world? Are we so far removed, with an ocean separating us, on our high horse of first world perspective and entertainment gluttony that we take a hands-off approach? When did Christ ever take a hands-off approach to anything? He could have. He could have seen that a lot of the world would never believe in Him, would never accept His sacrifice. So why bother? Because it was never about just one group of people as a whole. It was never about just the Jews or just the Gentiles or just the Muslims or just the white people or just the Europeans. It has always been, from the beginning of all things, about us as individuals. So even if we can help one person, one child come to peace in Israel/Palestine, that is worth it.

I don’t know what the answer is. I don’t have a solution, and the truth is, Palestinians and Israelis don’t want a solution from America. From the outside we can offer suggestions, but often those suggestions put some of their deepest beliefs in jeopardy. We are a young country with young problems. These are old cultures, in lands rich with hundreds and thousands of years of history.  There is a lot of pride to overcome in the conflict. In our class discussions, we would bring forward a lot of different suggestions that to us made perfect sense. Our professors would immediately poke holes in any suggestion we had. Or they would suggest bringing this idea to a rightist Jew or a Palestinian which would be immediately shot down.

O Jerusalem, by Greg Olson

Outside of Jerusalem, peace seems almost possible. We were given the opportunity to speak with a lot of people from the different areas we visited. Tel Aviv is pretty heavily populated by Jewish people, but mostly secular Jews. You don’t see a lot of skull caps there. The people we spoke with in Tel Aviv were pretty open to talking with and about Muslims. Nazareth was amazing. It was Vaughn’s favorite city to visit. There were Jews and Christians and Muslims all living really peacefully. When asked if they would prefer to live under Israel or Palestine, Arabs mostly responded by saying “Whoever allows us to provide for our families, we’d be happy with either.” But as soon as you enter Jerusalem, you are met with checkpoints and rifles and palpable tension. Jerusalem is the real issue. Neither Palestine nor Israel wants a country without it—and they won’t agree to allowing a third party to have control of Jerusalem. Luke 19:41 says that Jesus wept over Jerusalem. After my experience in Jerusalem, I don't think Christ was just mourning over the destruction soon to come. I think he was also seeing the violence in our day. I think he saw the frustration, the fear, and the hopelessness. He knew the hatred of the two sons of Abraham that would come to a cusp in the 20th century.    

     

                In my second blog post about this trip I spoke about the “holy envy” I felt seeing the Western Wall on Friday night. It’s a stupendous sight to see a groups of people so patriotic and excited about their country, their heritage, their holy places. They are so enthusiastic about their faith’s rituals, a people so victimized by pogroms (state-sanctioned violence) and apartheid and shut out of “welcoming” countries during their own refugee crisis. It was humanizing and joyful to see this same group happy. But also incredibly sad. This conflict is so devastating. It was a glad occasion to see both young and old dance in celebration of their holy places, but you can’t see this joy without knowing the ground upon which they dance was once a Palestinian home, demolished for such a celebration. I would love to see all groups of people to have a reason – and a place—to dance and celebrate like this. And if our personal celebrations encroach on the freedom of another group, then we need to evaluate our individual actions. And maybe, just maybe, if enough individuals consider this, progress will finally be made.

Now in Technicolor

Israel and Palestine – Part 1

I couldn't figure out a way to compile my thoughts effectively into just one blog post about the politics of Israel and Palestine. So this is Part 1 of my now four part recap of our trip. I wanted to introduce some important concepts to keep in mind before diving into the actual issues we learned about. I'll talk about those in my next post. If you have questions, corrections, or comments about our experience, shoot me a message.

                This has taken me a really long time to post. I really needed time to process all that we learned in those short but intense two weeks. Let me first start by saying those two weeks were not a vacation, they were not a break. They were exhausting. Those 14 days were artfully orchestrated to force us to feel uncomfortable, to ask hard questions. We listened to a lot of propaganda, we heard from both sides, and from all over the political spectrum. It was a political science course in the deep end of the pool--at least for someone who majored in Chemistry. We saw a lot of the typical tourist sites, but we also had tours of Israel’s Parliament (called the Knesset) and talks from people who grew up in a Kibbutz. We attended a Q&A with Israeli grad students. We had lectures from a Jewish professor and from a Palestinian philosopher.  We often had lectures when we were on the bus while driving to another site. We spoke with Jews and Arabs and Christians in the different cities we visited. We heard from people who experienced Israel firsthand, who grew up there, who were intimate with the conflict. We heard from people working to bring peace, and others working to exterminate and expel those they felt do not belong in their homeland. It was a flurry of opinions and strong emotions, and a lot of it was hard to choke down.

Since returning to the States, people have asked me in passing who I support more, Israel or Palestine. Sometimes I have answered flippantly one way or another, depending on my mood or how much time I have to answer. But honestly when you see all sides of the argument and really understand where people are coming from, how can you pick a side? At some point or another, we all will find ourselves on either side of an argument where “our team” and our opposition are both at fault in some way. Circumstances are never black and white. If you’re seeing black and white in any conflict, re-evaluate your specs. We don’t need more arguments about who is right and who is wrong, what we need is conversation.

                 This is not a representation of all there is to know in the Israel / Palestine conflict. I took pages and pages of notes, and learned as much as I could, but it is deeper than two weeks can teach. And a couple blog posts can’t really cover everything. I can’t pretend that I don’t have a bias, but I will strive to show you the intricacies of the conversation that I witnessed. I will try to give you pieces of what was given, and hopefully by the end, it will become evident that the issue is more complicated and more intricate and yes, even more hopeless than it appears on the outside.

But before jumping into actual experiences, I need to explain the state of mind to be in when viewing this conflict. It was emphasized to us, as students. And if you don’t view this conflict with truly open eyes, you will miss aspects crucial to progress. Earlier this week, I posted THIS article on my Facebook wall. This is really at the root of my experience. In this article, he says, “We should all enter every issue with the very real possibility that we might be wrong this time.”  The author emphasizes that if we can’t argue for your opponent’s point, then you do not really see the issue as it is. In middle school I had an amazing English teacher who would assign us an opinion for a persuasive essay. And it was often contrary to our actual thoughts and beliefs. And that helped us humanize people who disagreed with me. It opened my eyes to the concept of gray areas. Arguments are not black and white. There are never just good people and just bad people. Often there are just two good people coming at a topic from different directions. This is a concept I have forgotten as I allegedly “grew up.” And this simple exercise of arguing your opposition's point is unthinkable to most people that we spoke to in Israel (on both sides, I might add).

There’s an old Indian fable about truth. You have these blind men who are trying to explain what an elephant is like, and each interacts with one part of the elephant. The blind men come together and compare notes to see that no one agrees. One man feels the elephant’s trunk and says an elephant is like a snake, another feels the leg and says an elephant is like a pillar. A third man feels the ear and says an elephant is like a fan. Is one blind man more right than another? No. They just have different perspectives.

Although I was immersed in the Israel/Palestine conflict for a couple weeks, I find it more important that I learned about considering different perspectives, particularly ones very different from my own. I’m really not good at this, and it was an exhausting, but much needed lesson for me. In the last few months as political tensions have gotten high about things I’m passionate about. I’ve been rude, stubborn and unhelpfully involved in political arguments on Facebook, and I regret that.  People are just people trying to live the best they can with the experiences they’re given. If I can’t get over myself and my own opinions, how can I expect anyone else to? I’m adding to the problem if I’m being argumentative. If you have been on the opposing side of me in an argument as of late, I owe you an apology. I have tried to make up for my harsh comments, but words are like ripping open a feather pillow outside a three story window. They’re gone, floating out into the air. Too late.

I’m still working on reigning in my vicious retorts that stem from emotional responses. But long story short, those two weeks in Israel really flipped my worldview on its head. It tugged at the strings of my soul in a way I wasn’t expecting. Many of my views have changed politically, and the experience has changed how I look at people in general, as a whole and individually. Travel can have that affect.

Another Vicious Cycle

One of the most important concepts we were taught was the idea of dehumanizing people. One of the professors on the trip, Josh Gubler, gave us a lecture on this. How can reasonable, good people be so cruel? How do we justify violence and treating people different than us like dogs? He talked about how it stems from how we view ourselves and our “groups” (i.e. churches, national groups, families, political parties) and how we often view everyone in “our group” as good and moral. Unfortunately that often translates into seeing people in other groups as bad and immoral. So we make up excuses for people that disagree with us by saying “She says that because she’s a democrat.” Or “He believes that because his family does.”  That’s dehumanizing. That’s making “The Other,” the groups different from our own, into something more animal than relatable. That’s placing that person outside of ourselves, across the fence. The only way we really know how to be human is what it is like in our own experience, so it is easy to dehumanize others when we don’t understand how they think. And dehumanization makes it really easy to justify aggression. Most of us don’t feel bad if we kill a mosquito because it’s not human. If you’re seeing someone as less than a human being, you can excuse a lot more violence inflicted on him or her. Then when that group reciprocates that violence back toward you, you further justify your actions. History repeats itself and the battle trumpets play on.

It’s a vicious cycle of violence and misunderstanding. You see it all the time in television shows, and so often we think “Come on, protagonist, get it together! Isn’t it obvious that you just need to understand XYZ?” One such television show that depicts this well is Doctor Who. Regardless of if you enjoy watching it or not, there’s a conversation in a recent episode that can be appreciated in the context of the Israel/Palestine conversation. It’s not terribly important to know context of the storyline, just that there are two groups deciding whether or not to obliterate one another. You can watch it here, or read the dialogue following the video.

The Doctor: You just want cruelty to beget cruelty. You're not superior to people who were cruel to you. You're just a whole bunch of new cruel people. A whole bunch of new cruel people, being cruel to some other people, who'll end up being cruel to you. The only way anyone can live in peace is if they're prepared to forgive. Why don't you break the cycle?

Bonnie: Why should we?

The Doctor: What is it that you actually want?

Bonnie: War.

The Doctor: Ah. And when this war is over, when -- when you have the homeland free from humans, what do you think it's going to be like? Do you know? Have you thought about it? Have you given it any consideration? Because you're very close to getting what you want. What's it going to be like? Paint me a picture. Are you going to live in houses? Do you want people to go to work? What'll be holidays? Oh! Will there be music? Do you think people will be allowed to play violins? Who will make the violins? Well? Oh, You don't actually know, do you? Because, just like every other tantruming child in history, Bonnie, you don't actually know what you want. So, let me ask you a question about this brave new world of yours. When you've killed all the bad guys, and it's all perfect and just and fair, when you have finally got it exactly the way you want it, what are you going to do with the people like you? The troublemakers. How are you going to protect your glorious revolution from the next one?

Bonnie: We'll win.

Doctor: Oh, will you? Well maybe -- maybe you will win. But nobody wins for long. The wheel just keeps turning. So, come on. Break the cycle.

…

The Doctor: And we're off! Fingers on buzzers! Are you feeling lucky? Are you ready to play the game? Who's going to be quickest? Who's going to be the luckiest?

…

The Doctor: Because it's not a game, Kate. This is a scale model of war. Every war ever fought right there in front of you. Because it's always the same. When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die. You don't know who's children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken! How many lives shattered! How much blood will spill until everybody does what they're always going to have to do from the very beginning -- sit down and talk! Listen to me, listen. I just -- I just want you to think. Do you know what thinking is? It's just a fancy word for changing your mind.

Bonnie: I will not change my mind.

The Doctor: Then you will die stupid.  

                We get so stuck on being right, for winning, that we don’t see that we’re losing a whole lot more in the fight than if we would just have a conversation about it. We often talk about "flip-flopping" as one of the worst things a politician can do, but is it really? Is it the worst thing to stand corrected? We live in an age of information. When we learn more about a situation, when more facts come to light, don't we have an obligation to correct it? I think we would do a far greater injustice if we didn't change our minds or our opinions just to save face. 

Monochrome Vision

As Christians, it may be a lot easier for us to relate to the Jewish side of this conflict. We share scriptures with Jews. Our Bible says that this was the land of the Jews. We think we need to side with the Jews because they are our God’s chosen people. But I want to remind you that God created Arabs too. God created His children of all cultures, skin color, and traditions. 

1 Peter 2:9-10 says this:

9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light:

10 Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy.

That’s us he’s talking about. We are his chosen people. We are Sons and Daughters of God through Christ. And as Christians, it is our duty to love people, and to love people we must understand people. That requires we look further than just face value. In this conversation, I urge you, despite your inclinations otherwise, to view Arabs and Muslims as part of God’s family of humans.

              I would also urge you to view this not as a religious issue. Keep in mind that the original Zionist Jews who moved to Israel were not religious in the least. Quite the contrary. The first Jews to return to Israel as part of the Zionist movements left religion behind. They didn’t want anything to do with faith, because they blamed being religiously zealous as the cause of all the persecution. Early Jewish immigrants moved to Israel, bought some land, and established a socialist colony called a Kibbutz. Since then, Jews are still mixed as far as having religious reasons for being in Israel or just a political reason. Like most large groups of people, you can’t paint them with a broad brush. You have religious Zionists and anti-religious Zionists. One way Israel united the two arguing groups was by moving Theodor Herzl’s body to Jerusalem, to make it both a center of faith and a center of Zionism. This did not originate as a battle of faiths.

                It’s also important to remember that not all leaders are accurate representations of their people. Take the United States, do you feel properly represented? You cannot judge all Palestinians by the actions and opinions of Yasser Arafat, and you cannot say all Israelis agree with Benjamin Netanyahu. It’s important to consider that maybe not all the people are in agreement with their leaders. 

                Participation in this program helped this conflict really come to life for me. It is my hope to help you see this conflict in color in much the same way. Not in the monochrome painted by media in the United States. I realize what I’m asking is a really difficult thing to do. It’s hard to question what you’ve been taught by people you respect, ideas that have been ingrained in you since you were small. I want to convince you to not just view this conflict through the eyes of religion. I want to convince you to see Arabs and Jews as people. Imperfect, scared people. These people are the same kind of scared that allowed communism into Russia, the same kind of scared that allowed Nazis to take over Germany, the same kind of scared that has modern-day American politicians wanting to build walls on our borders to solve problems. I want to encourage you, as an individual to be brave and to question what you’ve been taught. I am asking the almost impossible, but I’m asking you to entertain the idea that maybe you are wrong.

Art on the Separation Wall in Bethlehem. The chains spell "Fear-Hate-Fear-Hate-Fear-Hate"

                That doesn’t mean I’m asking you to tell me I’m right. I don’t necessarily want you to agree with me. I want you to see where I am coming from. I am begging you to look at this situation with your eyes wide open, refuse to see it in black and white. See the situation in Technicolor, see it in real life. Because I was proven wrong. I was shot down. I was slapped in the face with my own inconsistencies, biases, and half truths. And it was one of those humbling experiences I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for. It’s one of those experiences that help you become better, it defines you differently. Howard W. Hunter once said this: "When [the difficulties of mortality] humble us and refine us and teach us and bless us, they can be powerful instruments in the hands of God to make us better people, to make us more grateful, more loving, and more considerate of other people in their own times of difficulty." I would hope everyone would have the same experience at least once in their lives. 

                When you think you might be wrong, you learn ask different and better questions. A lot of good comes from getting over your pride. And I think a lot of politics and the human experience in general would go smoother if we emphasized humility over pride and black and white definitions.

The final post soon to come!